Student Testimony

It's been a crazy summer! Hopefully yours is going well. I want to share a testimony that one of my former students and musicians posted recently. Brenda and KT Bass are awesome people that God is using greatly. Hope you are as blessed as I have been while watching this unfold. Jeff

This past January we found out we were going to have a baby.....our first. This was a much prayed for and planned pregnancy. Right from the first day I found out I was pregnant I prayed and told God that this was His baby and that He could do whatever He choose. Even though we got pregnant right away, I still felt like Hannah did......giving her baby that she had prayed for up to the Lord. I prayed for an uneventful, boring pregnancy. Well, God had different plans.
At our 8 weeks ultrasound, I was told I was going to have a miscarriage, point blank. The midwife said there was fluid in the abdomen and that was pushing the heart up into the neck. But, she wanted us to come back in 2 weeks, to look again.
So, two weeks later we had another ultrasound. This time a doctor looked at it. There was fluid behind the baby's neck. He didn't know what exactly it was that was wrong, so he wanted us to go to a specialist. (It's amazing how in 2 weeks time my baby went from looking like a shrimp to a tiny human!.....and people say there isn't a God)
Well, in 1 week we were sitting in Shands in Gainesville, for a level two ultrasound. He said that it looked like a chromosome abnormality, most likely Down's Syndrome. He said IF the baby was still there in a month to come back. He also said we should have genetic testing. We decided that since chromosome "problems" couldn't be "fixed" we didn't want to risk our baby and go through all the testing and worry. The doctor wanted to know if we wanted to terminate, knowing that the baby was "messed up". Of course we said no. God decides when a life ends, not us. That is a decision I still, to this day......knowing the out come, would not change.
We had another ultrasound at the doctor's office and then went back to Shands a month later. By this time, the baby was much bigger, so the doctor could see more. The fluid behind the neck had grown, there was fluid in the body and legs (hydrops) and now there was a heart condition (problem with the aorta).He said that based on what he saw then, it looked like Turners Syndrome. Only girls get this, so we knew we were having a girl based on that. The doctor said that with all that combined (hydrops and heart problem) the baby wouldn't live past 22 weeks. Only 2% of babies with Turners live.
By this time I was already 15 weeks. I had prayed from the first day I found out there were problems that if God was going to take my baby, that he do it early. I told him, "I can't deliver a dead baby, I can't!" That was my greatest fear. Going through labor only in the end to have no baby, nothing to show for all that hard work. I couldn't do it.
Because of the doctors findings, I had to go in every two weeks to have heartbeat checks (so if something did happen, we would know). This was the hard part (well, one of many). In a place where there are people happy and excited about calling grandma with the "its a boy" speech, I was wondering "is my baby alive today?" A place of new life became a scary uncertain place for me. I dreaded going there.......every two weeks.
Well, I went in for our 23 week check (KT was at EVERY one of my appointments). Sure enough, our little girl was still in there, kicking away. However, her heartbeat was too fast. It was a sign that her heart was having to work too hard (the heart problem). So, we were given a bad report. The doctor said it was a "bad sign".
Still, I could feel my girl kicking and moving. As long as I felt that, I was sure she was OK and going to make it. During all this, it was hard to get excited about the normal pregnancy stuff (showers, registering, decorating the nursery). I tried. I tried to act like nothing was wrong. I tried to act as if she was going to be here in a few months. I prayed. The church prayed. People out of state prayed. People I never met prayed. I believed God would heal her, 100%. I prayed that God would do whatever he had to do in order to get the maximum glory in all this.
God had brought me to a place that to this day I am thankful for. I was able (by His strength) to say that if he calls me to deliver a dead baby, he will give me the grace and strength to do it. I've learned that God gives you the strength to go through what He calls you to go through. "If He leads you to it, he'll get you through it". I didn't know how, but I had peace. I knew I was in His hands. I knew that this little girl belonged to Him. It was out of my hands.
Over memorial day weekend I felt her move.....for the last time. I tried not to worry. I just thought, "she doesn't move much anyway. I'm still new at knowing what a baby feels like". People kept asking me if I felt her move and I would say yes (probably to tell myself that everything was OK).
We went in for our 2 week heartbeat check on June 7th. At this point I was 25 weeks (6 months). After numerous attempts, they couldn't find a heartbeat. Since the technician had already gone home, they sent us to the hospital to get an ultrasound. I was admitted and checked into labor and delivery. I refused to worry because I hadn't yet had proof to be upset. So they couldn't find a heartbeat, not to worry. Maybe she is just in a spot that makes it hard to find?
When the technician did the ultrasound, I could tell by the look on her face that my little girl had already gone home to be with her Father. She didn't have to tell me. Then, when she finally did, my world broke apart. In that moment, reality hit me like a hammer. I'd never meet my little girl. I'd never hold her, never hear her cry. I'd never see KT be the protective dad, never see him kiss his little girl goodnight. Never swing her in the air. In that moment, I died.
The doctors asked if I wanted to go home for a few days or start drugs to induce labor. I was there, I wanted to get it over with. So, they gave me the drugs that would induce labor. The nurses were great. They grieved with me. I never had to ask for anything. On Friday, June 8th, at 5:30PM my Grace entered and exited this world.
I never saw her. I didn't want to. I know that that was not how I wanted to remember her. KT saw her little foot though. With the drugs they put me on, I couldn't see straight anyway. When I woke up, I said "Her name is Grace". I asked KT if we could call her that. God's grace got us through. His grace was enough. Her name should be Grace.
One of my friends from church brought me a little white dress and bonet to put Grace in. It looked like an angel dress! So many friends came to see me. God really looked after us. After some thought, we decided to burry her and have a service. She was our first child and deserved to be honored as such. She was just as much alive as anyone.
I left the hospital the next day. KT and his dad went to the funeral home to make the arrangements. We wanted to bury Grace in the family cemetery, by his mother and sister (KT's mom had a stillborn girl....her first too) We just weren't sure there were any spots left (it's a small country cemetery). We had an aunt who donated a plot for us. The funeral home even did all the arrangements at NO charge! God really blessed us.
On Sunday, June 10th, we had a grave side service for Grace. I have never seen such a small casket. People had brought flowers and teddy bears to put on Grace's grave (something we didn't think of). My friend sang "It is well with my soul". I have learned that no matter what condition I'm in, no matter how the "sea billows roll", what ever my lot, God has taught me to say it is well with my soul. Over 100 people came to the funeral. My pastor cried as he gave the short message. Every one filed by to give us hugs and blessings.
Then it was time to say goodbye. I knew my Grace had already gone to be with her Daddy, but in that moment, it was like saying good bye for forever. I could hardly do it, but I had to. I put my hand on her casket and said, "Goodbye little girl". That was all I could get out.
So, that's it. That's my story. To this day, God is using a little girl no one has met, to give him glory. God did heal my little girl. She is 100% well. She is running the streets of glory, like a little girl should. I will never have to worry about the sniffles or a scrape. She is in good hands. Her grandma is watching out for her. Her heavenly father is there, holding her to his chest. KT said it best, "It's better for our girl to be in God's arms than in ours".
God's grace is sufficient, no matter what. No matter what you are going through, will go through, or have been through. He is enough. God has restored me and brought me up from a dark, deep pit that could have destroyed me and my marriage. I will always carry this hole in my heart. I will never "get over it". That day a piece of my heart died, but God is healing my heart. His is working on me. He has made that dead heart come back to life! God is the author and finisher of our faith. He loves you. He sent his son for you.
Please, remember my little Grace. Remember how she touched so many people for Jesus. Her life still touches people, and I hope it always will.

In His Grace,
Brenda L. Bass
1 Corinthians 12:9